Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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