She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
