I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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