i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
