you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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