Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize