you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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