Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
