I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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