So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
