I want to make a zoo with you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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