i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
