Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
