We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
