I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
