Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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