I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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