it's not cheating when I paid for it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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