Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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