mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize