I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
