I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
