Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
