hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
