My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
