Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
