Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
