I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize