He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
