nut hugger
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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