u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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