we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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