k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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