just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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