i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
