Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
