Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
