I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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