you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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