She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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