I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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