He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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