My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
