Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
