We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
