id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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