4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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