its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
