Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
