Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
