And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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