So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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