I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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