On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
