He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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