Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
