haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
