Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
