shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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