Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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