Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
