I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have tasted many bathrooms
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
