I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My bed smells like the plague
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
